yeah, i know what you're gonna say.. you've heard all about mothers and daughters and how they either bash each other to death or how mushy they can get. well let me tell you about MY mama... (i'm not sure if any of you actually care to read about her but what the heck, right? Friendster's gonna be dying in a few months anyway!)
I was adopted at 3 months old so that "the money could stay in the family". My mom was very strict while i was growing up. I was not allowed a lot of things including drinking anything at the neighbors,drinking from plastic or eating fish balls and even speaking up for myself. So basically i was a very good girl for fear that the "uno por dos" will hit my but yet again. but that's not the issue here.
I just found out two weeks ago that my mom has a lump on her right breast that has been growing for about two years already. she showed it to me and i was aghast that she had never mentioned it before. She stopped going to church even as i explained things to her. She even told the pastor that he can come back only when she would be needing funeral rites. that's not even the catch.
I came home last tuesday late in the evening and found out that she burst the lump. "Pinutok mo??!", i asked "Ano yan pigsa?!". all she did was smile. While i was contemplating on the possibilities of it getting infected, she non-chalantly went to sleep. I've told her that she should have it checked by the doctor since she accompanies our elderly neighbors to the hospital every once in awhile anyway. She says "gastos lang un!".
I know she should have a biopsy, or whatever they do to check lumps, but it is as if she's looking forward to what will become of it. when i come home and see the stain on her dress, i feel angry that she does not care about her health. I even have reason to believe she has diabetes, because she has very dry skin, her eyesight is bad (she's only 53),and she has rashes down her legs that haven't healed for months. Plus she has the worst case of hypertension. Her blood pressure rises to 220 over 160 at times.
I feel lost. Even as i know god never lets his children go through more than they can handle, how am i supposed to face this? i have my share of hurts that cut through my heart even though my lord has healed me already. we haven't been talking for two weeks now. i know i'm hurting her in turn by coming home late, not eating the food she prepares and leaving very early in the mornings but i feel that if i don't let her see where she's breaking out, she'll go on the way she's always had-"her way and no buts".
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Friday, June 25, 2004
get to know me
i tried to write this before but for some reason or the other, i never knew just where to put it.. at first you may smile, then you will raise a brow, you might even cringe... don't tell me i didnt warn you! read on and get to know meanne as a little girl, a writer, a student, as a dj and finally as God's child.........
my baon as a 2 1/2 year old "saling pusa" in preschool
>milk bottle or yakult and lemon square cup cake
my favorite indigenous game, age 8-10
>patintero, take one, shato
the sport you never knew i won
>sprint 150 meter dash, gold, MISA Intamurals, grade four
the team i never made
>MISA swimming varsity (the plans for the team pushed through right after i graduated high school)
the line that almost got me in little ms philippines at age 5
> cousin: "meanne, do you understand?"
> Meanne: "yes!" (crawls under the table) "under-" (stands) "stand!"
fave toy as a kid
> lego, jumping rope, my talking mathg wizard (he helped me in my math assignments, dont tell my mom!)
most hated toy as a kid
>dolls that open their eyes when standing and close their eyes when lying down (i found it scary!)
most hated scary movie
>chuckie (i hated his bride too)
first novel ever read
> Superfudge (Judy Blume)
first book collection ever actually owned
>(haha!) The Baby-sitter's club
the book series i never owned and don't regret
>Sweet valley high
the book that changed my life
> John, New Testament, NIV Bible
first work ever published
>(don't laugh!) The Unsleeping Princess, Young Writers of Guam compilation, 1992, age 8
my most vivid memory
>mt. pinatubo evacuation scene, subic naval base, 1991
i wish i learned how to
> ride a bike
my fave tine of the day
>sunset
most hated subject ever
>ALGEBRA! (i took it once in high school aand thrice in college)
most loved subjects
>english, composition writing, history, speech and drama, film, production
the subject you never knew i failed
> Filipino, grade four... it wasn't my fault, my papa (when he was alive) had me talk in english everywhere. No one, including the maids, was allowed to talk to me in Tagalog.
the most adventurous thing i ever did
> traverse, wall rapel, australian rapel, free rapel (100 ft)
the vehicles i've been on
>aircraft carrier (USS Pilelu), US military cargo plane, commuter plane, submarine (Atlantis V)
The oath i never took and don't regret
> US Citizenship
most outrageous food i ever ate
>champorado na may medyas (bivoac 2000),single santol seed passed from officers to cadets in CAT
the line i've memorized i say it in my sleep
> Campus Radio 97.1 WLSFM
the words i hope i never say
> i absolutely hate you.
the certificate that most embarrasses me
> Complete attendance certificate, grade three (suddenly, i feel like a nerd)
the best teachers i ever had
> Ms Eleanor Allen (Kalayaan Elem. Sch., Subic Bay)
> Ms Arcenas (Agana Heights Elem Sch., Guam)
> Ms Eyzell Claro (Speech and Drama, English, MISA)
> Sir Ruel Balbuena (CAT Commandant, MISA)
> Sir Arnel (THE, MISA)
> Dr. Monica Lazo(hunamities, Values ed(psychology), Deputy Directress, MISA)
> Ms Alice Mercado (Filipino, Asian History, MISA)
> Ms Ritchel Bernardo (College English, ADU)
> Sir Delos Reyes ( Philippine History, ADU)
> Atty "BIBO" (phil constitution, ADU)
> Ms Elaine Hufano (advertising, ADU)
> Ms Jeanie Derillo (film,production,essay&feature writing,thesis)
there was a time when i almost wanted to become a
> nun (to escape my world)
the saddest thing ever said to me
> Mom: "wala ka sa kalingkingan ng pinsan mo!"
the kindest words ever said to me
> "i admire you for your strength, perserverance and endurance."
my song on a rainy day
> rainbow connection
my song on a happy day
> Better than (United Live)
my song on the radio
> She will be loved (Maroon 5)
The song i want to hear on my wedding (IF!! that's an IF)
> Ikaw
the poem i want read on my wedding day (another IF!)
> Sonnets from the Portuguese... How do i love thee...
the movie that made me cry buckets
> A Walk to remember
the movie that had me very angry
> the cube (it even has a sequel?!!)
the movies that scared me for a month
> sixth sense and ring
if i could do something for eternity i would
> sing for God
what would i sing?
> I can only imagine, your beloved, only a God like you, my redeemer lives, all about you, free, every move i make, with you, you are my world, saving grace, my bestfriend, how great thou art,
if i die today the last image i want in my memory would be
> a sunset
ei, so you now know my inner most thoughts and the things i don't normally reveal in a regualar conversation. Don't go changing the way you act around me okay? Glod bless you! :)
my baon as a 2 1/2 year old "saling pusa" in preschool
>milk bottle or yakult and lemon square cup cake
my favorite indigenous game, age 8-10
>patintero, take one, shato
the sport you never knew i won
>sprint 150 meter dash, gold, MISA Intamurals, grade four
the team i never made
>MISA swimming varsity (the plans for the team pushed through right after i graduated high school)
the line that almost got me in little ms philippines at age 5
> cousin: "meanne, do you understand?"
> Meanne: "yes!" (crawls under the table) "under-" (stands) "stand!"
fave toy as a kid
> lego, jumping rope, my talking mathg wizard (he helped me in my math assignments, dont tell my mom!)
most hated toy as a kid
>dolls that open their eyes when standing and close their eyes when lying down (i found it scary!)
most hated scary movie
>chuckie (i hated his bride too)
first novel ever read
> Superfudge (Judy Blume)
first book collection ever actually owned
>(haha!) The Baby-sitter's club
the book series i never owned and don't regret
>Sweet valley high
the book that changed my life
> John, New Testament, NIV Bible
first work ever published
>(don't laugh!) The Unsleeping Princess, Young Writers of Guam compilation, 1992, age 8
my most vivid memory
>mt. pinatubo evacuation scene, subic naval base, 1991
i wish i learned how to
> ride a bike
my fave tine of the day
>sunset
most hated subject ever
>ALGEBRA! (i took it once in high school aand thrice in college)
most loved subjects
>english, composition writing, history, speech and drama, film, production
the subject you never knew i failed
> Filipino, grade four... it wasn't my fault, my papa (when he was alive) had me talk in english everywhere. No one, including the maids, was allowed to talk to me in Tagalog.
the most adventurous thing i ever did
> traverse, wall rapel, australian rapel, free rapel (100 ft)
the vehicles i've been on
>aircraft carrier (USS Pilelu), US military cargo plane, commuter plane, submarine (Atlantis V)
The oath i never took and don't regret
> US Citizenship
most outrageous food i ever ate
>champorado na may medyas (bivoac 2000),single santol seed passed from officers to cadets in CAT
the line i've memorized i say it in my sleep
> Campus Radio 97.1 WLSFM
the words i hope i never say
> i absolutely hate you.
the certificate that most embarrasses me
> Complete attendance certificate, grade three (suddenly, i feel like a nerd)
the best teachers i ever had
> Ms Eleanor Allen (Kalayaan Elem. Sch., Subic Bay)
> Ms Arcenas (Agana Heights Elem Sch., Guam)
> Ms Eyzell Claro (Speech and Drama, English, MISA)
> Sir Ruel Balbuena (CAT Commandant, MISA)
> Sir Arnel (THE, MISA)
> Dr. Monica Lazo(hunamities, Values ed(psychology), Deputy Directress, MISA)
> Ms Alice Mercado (Filipino, Asian History, MISA)
> Ms Ritchel Bernardo (College English, ADU)
> Sir Delos Reyes ( Philippine History, ADU)
> Atty "BIBO" (phil constitution, ADU)
> Ms Elaine Hufano (advertising, ADU)
> Ms Jeanie Derillo (film,production,essay&feature writing,thesis)
there was a time when i almost wanted to become a
> nun (to escape my world)
the saddest thing ever said to me
> Mom: "wala ka sa kalingkingan ng pinsan mo!"
the kindest words ever said to me
> "i admire you for your strength, perserverance and endurance."
my song on a rainy day
> rainbow connection
my song on a happy day
> Better than (United Live)
my song on the radio
> She will be loved (Maroon 5)
The song i want to hear on my wedding (IF!! that's an IF)
> Ikaw
the poem i want read on my wedding day (another IF!)
> Sonnets from the Portuguese... How do i love thee...
the movie that made me cry buckets
> A Walk to remember
the movie that had me very angry
> the cube (it even has a sequel?!!)
the movies that scared me for a month
> sixth sense and ring
if i could do something for eternity i would
> sing for God
what would i sing?
> I can only imagine, your beloved, only a God like you, my redeemer lives, all about you, free, every move i make, with you, you are my world, saving grace, my bestfriend, how great thou art,
if i die today the last image i want in my memory would be
> a sunset
ei, so you now know my inner most thoughts and the things i don't normally reveal in a regualar conversation. Don't go changing the way you act around me okay? Glod bless you! :)
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