Sunday, June 27, 2004

of stubborn moms

yeah, i know what you're gonna say.. you've heard all about mothers and daughters and how they either bash each other to death or how mushy they can get. well let me tell you about MY mama... (i'm not sure if any of you actually care to read about her but what the heck, right? Friendster's gonna be dying in a few months anyway!)
I was adopted at 3 months old so that "the money could stay in the family". My mom was very strict while i was growing up. I was not allowed a lot of things including drinking anything at the neighbors,drinking from plastic or eating fish balls and even speaking up for myself. So basically i was a very good girl for fear that the "uno por dos" will hit my but yet again. but that's not the issue here.
I just found out two weeks ago that my mom has a lump on her right breast that has been growing for about two years already. she showed it to me and i was aghast that she had never mentioned it before. She stopped going to church even as i explained things to her. She even told the pastor that he can come back only when she would be needing funeral rites. that's not even the catch.
I came home last tuesday late in the evening and found out that she burst the lump. "Pinutok mo??!", i asked "Ano yan pigsa?!". all she did was smile. While i was contemplating on the possibilities of it getting infected, she non-chalantly went to sleep. I've told her that she should have it checked by the doctor since she accompanies our elderly neighbors to the hospital every once in awhile anyway. She says "gastos lang un!".
I know she should have a biopsy, or whatever they do to check lumps, but it is as if she's looking forward to what will become of it. when i come home and see the stain on her dress, i feel angry that she does not care about her health. I even have reason to believe she has diabetes, because she has very dry skin, her eyesight is bad (she's only 53),and she has rashes down her legs that haven't healed for months. Plus she has the worst case of hypertension. Her blood pressure rises to 220 over 160 at times.
I feel lost. Even as i know god never lets his children go through more than they can handle, how am i supposed to face this? i have my share of hurts that cut through my heart even though my lord has healed me already. we haven't been talking for two weeks now. i know i'm hurting her in turn by coming home late, not eating the food she prepares and leaving very early in the mornings but i feel that if i don't let her see where she's breaking out, she'll go on the way she's always had-"her way and no buts".

1 comment:

luiboi said...

meg,
just visited your blog.a nice blog i might say.anyways,never knew that your mom has a serious ailment.you know what?my mom's sick too.she's diagnosed with parkinson's disease.the same sickness which michael j. fox,muhammad ali and the pope has.hope that your mom and mine will get well soon...