to depend or be depended on? that is the question

i have now taken a second job of six hours in order to augment the finances at home. somehow i feel old for it is practally an acceptance of my new role as provider of the household and head of the family.

some of you who know me might think- c'mon meg, you're working in the media, you ought to be earning more than everybody else thinks. huh! yeah right. people in the media have a vow of poverty. at least some of us lowly ones do.

i guess the reason people feel as if media people earn a lot is because of the limelight we experience day in and day out. the world has a tendency to think of mel tiangco, korina sanchez, mike enriquez or some other big time media personality anytime tv is mentioned. and when people speak of radio, its always the chico and delamar or chinggay or the triggerman that people talk of. but for beginners in the biz like me. well let me just say the people working in the offices in ortigas and makati earn more than we do.

we could have survived soley on my pay at the radio station had we no have had to move into an aparment so suddenly. i found a heap but comfortable and clean apratment just within teh neighborhood ive always lived in so it was not much of a change. but anyway teh finances had to change otherwise we's be up to our necks in debt and would not knwo where to get teh money o pay it.

so i found myself a job teaching koreans how to speak better english on the telephone. it was convenient for the company was looking for an english teacher when i came in. and convenient for me too since it is about ten minutes away from the radio station.

so now i have to endure a 15 hour work day and 3 hour preparation and travel time to and fro. i get about 4 hours of sleep aday from monday to friday. do i mind? no. i can do this. and i will because i need to.

i refuse to make my mother work. she is 55 for crying out loud and the work she does at home is more than enough for her to handle. besides she has never in her life had to work. so why start now? i am able and willing and so i will do teh work.

i am hoping the finances will be better after payday on friday. because to speak truhfully i am scavenging every cenavo i have at teh moment to make me last until then. its stressing me out.
aside from the lack of sleep - when i do get o sleep i dream of people asking m to pay my debt even if in reality i already have.

sometimes i get to thinking im too young to worry about rent payments, or the grocery or the electric bill and the water bill and the numerous expenses at home. but what can i do? no one else can be relied on but me.

ive nw resigned myself to the idea. yes, this time around- its me the world depends on... haaay