walk the talk

Last sunday, our pastor shared a message all about offering. He cited Cain and Abel and continued on to say that not all that we offer to God is pleasing to God. Not to get too preachy, the essence of the message was that we should check ourselves whether what we do still pleases God. I tell you i am not alone in saying that it was one of the most hurtful messages i have heard. I pondered very hard on that thought- "Are you cain or abel?".
Then yesterday, as i was on the way to school, i remembered my pastor and how much work he puts in on God'd kingdom. I take pride in saying things that concern him because i very much admire his perserverance. Ptr Domeng happens to be one of the overseers of the Jesus First Christian Ministries, a church that began in Saudi Arabia believe it or not. Our outreach, JFCM Taytay, is the church he directly handles every sunday but over all he oversees about 11 other provincial churches of JFCM. He's a cool dude even if he's almost 50.. Hehe.. I'm friends with his two older kids Dave and Dyan. Thinking of him yesterday made me smile tearfully and think of that line in the bible that says we should continue to encourage one another. So i picked up my phone and texted him. I told him "wala lang! naalala ko lng po kayo. just want to thank you for your work for God's Kingdom.God's Grace be with you today!". Of course i expected a reply but that of the "ok" types. He replied (not 'reply back' like my friend likes to txt!hehe) saying that i gave confirmation that he was preaching the word of God not of man. I didnt know he was doubting himself already. He said thanks right after.
I rarely get to see my pastor ever since i came into radio last year. Yes it has been a year... I remember when i shared the news of acceptance to the auditions to him. He gave me a half smile reminding me that i should not forget the things that matter most. It is now that we have a cell group in school that i realize how much Ptr Domeng's work and discipleship has poured onto my life. He was there when i had so many questions to ask. He gladly presented the answers to each one no matter if we ended each session of Bible study at 11:30 in the evening. No matter if i had to sleep over night at their house so that the worship team could practice for an upcoming concert till 2 in the morning. No matter if he had to travel to antipolo straight from a meeting in mandaluyong. I never saw him tired or ashamed that he was a pastor "on call". In scholl during cell meetings when i answer trivial questions to my friends, i remember myself asking for help during my time. were it not for ptr domeng or the other workers i hung (past tense) around with I would not be able to answer my cell mates.
Tearfully, i realize i miss church. I miss my friends at church. I miss practicing on saturdays and arguing with our guitarist all because he wants to take the song on a G and i want it on an E because the notes are too high for me on G. I miss goofing around Ptr domeng's house and cooking and eating with the other christian friends including my mom. I miss the fire of worship leading. The last time i sang in church was december of 2003, the only follow up to that was JFCM's anniversary last May. I also miss the manong who sells barbeque at the corner of the church whom i would chat with during breaks. I miss the flood in taytay. I miss the little kids who like to run around the church before sunday service. I miss everything related to God's ministry.
How could I????? How could i exchange that part of my life that brought everything i ever needed? Here comes the question- Can radio be better than God's house. NO. How many times have i sang that song- "Better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house, better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere"?
I have seen what there is to be seen in the life in radio. The internal politics, the greed, the pride, the (excuse me) dirt. I endured it for a year. I was a part of it for a year. with humility, i admit, i was one of them for a year. A year is enough. i have decided. Walk the talk. how can i tell my cell mates to their face that life with God is better than anything in the world if i am a part of a world so in contrast with God's world.
Giving radio up hurts. so much. Why? because i took up mass communications to be in media. Call it a dream. this was to be a stepping stone, like so many people like to call it. But then the world likes to glitter things up to keep you from what matters most. I texted my mentor at the radio station just today, i told him the truth, that i have a ministry to attend to. Funny, God loves to take the things that matter a big deal to you. If it takes you away from God, it's not worth keeping. Do you think Abel was hurt when he gave up his offering?